Horror in the night!
The evening, our little Toonie boy was born, I stood up all night, despite extreme exhaustion. This little sleeping marvel mesmerized me beyond imagination. At about 3 in the night, he started crying and I was so overwhelmed by this miracle that I even found his snorty little cry adorable .
Today, after a long, LONG night, I would like to say to the universe, "I am SORRY, I said his cry was cute. "
Today his cry evokes a range of different emotions in me, the strongest being, STUPEFACTION! How a mere 59cms long human make a sound so loud, that makes your eardrums want to run to the deepest darkest corners and curl up with a blanket, is BEYOND my comprehension levels. I went through ALL the tips from the "how to soothe a crying baby" manual, with a success rate of Zero. From depression to desperation, I experienced them all alone, thanks to husband who was travelling for work.
Ultimately some part of my internal wiring broke and I broke into a salsa, in hopes of making the baby stop crying. Now on a good day, a salsa can make even Mogambo (refer Mr. India, movie) look sexy but I, on the other hand, am sure looked like Bozo, the clown, wobbling about, as if trying to hold his pee.
THAT, obviously didn't work so I started singing, which is another unwelcome sound in the room, a sound that would make the Beatles, Bob Dylans' and likes, pray that music didn't exist. These two intermingled sounds (the crying baby and his supposedly singing mother) don't and wouldn't work. So I attempted another trick, which was to hold the baby and bounce on it repeatedly chanting "oh ohhhh oh oh ohhh". Now THIS, did make the baby look up for about 10 seconds. I am sure he was thinking, "what's wrong with this woman? " His concern however was short lived and he resumed crying.
Feeling a little (read a LOT) helpless, next on my list of theatrics was to play ALL of his musical toys, all at the same time. This included a musical star, the rotating musical thing that goes on his cot, baby version of a discount ball, (what's it called?), two of his rattles (one in each hand). Yes, there is no such thing as TOO MUCH noise in my house.
From talking in multiple languages to pulling faces, nothing , NOTHING, seemed to be working. I, even turned to superstition to wars off the evil eye but to no avail.
Too stumped to try anything else, I just lay the baby on the bed, he looks up at this shiny bunting hanging in the room and starts to laugh. How can a baby go from incessant crying to toothless laughter in seconds? But he did. He decided to make the bunting his new best friend and started having a deep meaningful conversation with it which involved a lot of "coohs and caahs" Apparently, the bunting moving about (as if in response) made him very happy. I know this because he flashed his most endearing smile to it. And this went on for the next 10 mins and he fell asleep.
I really don't know what was bothering him so much that made me exhaust ALL of my theatrics. Hold on Bollywood! You can thank me later for not choosing you as a profession. With the baby happy and resting, I said my sorrys to the universe. I love my baby with all my heart, but his howling, I am NOT a fan of, I mean, I would rather get clonked on my head with a hammer.
Next time ladies, your baby decides to cry its' lungs out, just keep a shiny bunting at the ready.