Confessions of an Unplanned Mother
Domesticated. .is definitely not how I would have defined myself, a few years ago. A typical, independent, modern day Indian girl who suddenly discovered herself in the whole "Indian marriage scenario". This new world had caught me completely off guard and 3 odd years later as I was just getting accustomed to it's oddities when I found myself holding a stick. Those two pink lines had decided my entire life for me. Something, I hadn't really planned. Something that scared me senseless. Lack of self assurance and constant nervousness as to what to do once the baby comes in the picture, were emotions, I had never faced before with that much intensity.
That first scan, however, which showed this black and white peanut (which was meant to be my baby) changed all my anticipation and I took that leap of faith, probably the biggest one in my life. Those initial months became easy and beautiful in every way. Those little fluttering butterfly kicks turn into full blown movements. It was something that I had NEVER experienced before. A tiny human being was growing inside of me! Even though none of my clothes no longer fit me, and penguin like waddling that I had to do instead of walking, couldn't bring my spirits down. There wasn't a moment when I was alone. This feeling filled my heart with so much love.
But that is when the moment of truth stared at me, right in the face, the final ninth month. Horror and nervousness found their way back to me. The growing a human inside your belly was okay but what do you do once the baby comes? I was never a baby person. And there was nothing I knew about them. Books and apps were a good read but books and apps don't raise babies. YOU do! Huh! unsure of myself again. In all this nervous anticipation, the D-day finally approached and my baby was ready to see us on the outside.
26 April 2017 after what may have been an agonising 16 hour labour (none of which I remember now) , my baby took his first breath on the outside. Me and my husband had created life! The first time the nurse handed us our baby, was so unreal. It made believers of us! Isn't it magic though? Just in that one moment, this tiny person fills every part of your heart with this unimaginable love. In that moment and thenceforth, I knew that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for the little slugger. And three weeks later , I sit here thinking that unplanned mothers get the best surprises in exploring the world of motherhood. Love is all you need! Rest everything follows. My beautiful potty master!